The Sexy Commandments!

Check out what I found on Maximum-X. It's pretty great. (I did some minor editing - capitalization/spelling/spacing/etc.)
(Oh, jeez, I'm gunna be punished in the Court of the Sexy)

This is not a post. It is a plot. For too many years the world has been spiraling out of control. My team of researchers have found that the world has almost completely run out of sexy. It is sad, but true. So, our mission...

BRINGING SEXY BACK

Our mission is not only to bring back the sexy, but I will give out other important jobs as well. Such as stalking Justin Timberlake, cuz apparently he brought sexy back, but I just don't see it...no...

THE SEXY COMMANDMENTS
copywrite - thou shalt not copy the sexy commandments. Those caught doing so shall be punished in the court of the sexy

-THOU SHALT NOT TEXT SPEAK. DOING SO IS NOT SEXY AND DOWN RIGHT ANNOYING. THOSE CAUGHT DOING SO WILL HAVE ALL OF THEIR SEXY POINTS TAKEN AWAY. (sexy points are distributed by those of the Purple Mafia)

-THOU SHALT USE THY BRAIN! IN THE WORDS OF ANOTHER SEXY MAN, "THINK, IT'S NOT ILLEGAL YET."

-THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT INCEST. NOT EVEN CHIPMUNK INCEST. IT'S JUST WRONG

-THOU SHALT SPELL THE WORD "ZOMBIE" "ZOMBEH". ZOMBEH IS DEAD SEXY. LITERALLY.

-THOU SHALT NOT WEAR THE TIN FOIL HAT. IT IS FAR TOO SEXY. IT WOULD BLIND US ALL. ONLY THOSE APPOINTED BY A MAFIA MEMBER MAY WEAR ONE.

-THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF SEXY IN VAIN

-THOU SHALT NOT STEAL THE SEXY

-THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY ON THE SEXY

-THOU SHALT NOT MAKE THE SEXY WEAR FUGLY CLOTHES

-THOU SHALT NOT MURDER, OR IN ANY WAY, ABUSE THE SEXY

-THOU SHALT NOT LIE TO THE SEXY. THE SEXY KNOWS ALL THINGS

-THOU SHALT NOT ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME OR I WILL KILL THEE

-THOU SHALT GROPE THY NEIGHBOR (only if thy neighbor is sexy). 'TIS OF THE MOST SEXY.

-THOU SHALT NOT "DISS" THY NEIGHBOR UNLESS THEY ARE BEING AN IDIOT

-THOU SHALT LOOK UPON THE PURPLE MAFIA FOR GUIDANCE IN THESE TIMES OF NO SEXY

-THOU SHALT BE IN AWE OF MY BUNNY SLIPPERS

-THOU SHALT MAKE "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" JOKES BECAUSE THEY ARE AWESOME

-THOU SHALT PERFORM A WEEKLY SEXY DANCE TO THE GODS OF THE SEXY

-THOU SHALT BRING OFFERINGS TO THE PURPLE MAFIA SQUAD

-THOU SHALT BE ALLOWED TO REFER TO THE PURPLE MAFIA SQUAD AS THE P.M.S

Wasn't that great? I'm applying for the "Purple Mafia", but I don't think I'll make it...

Relient K - Gibberish